My River

That whole idea about sleeping didn't work out so well. It's simply not going to happen.

I managed to over-saturate myself with basic training-related stuff today (yesterday), and managed to not, as one might assume, freak myself out, but rather managed to pump myself up to the point where I am now wide awake and sitting here thinking that I'm about to go through the most amazing eight weeks ever. To see videos of what's in store for me very shortly really gets me excited. I don't know how I never stumbled across this before, but it's a very cool overview and breakdown of Air Force BMT:

http://www.airforce.com/opportunities/enlisted/basic-training/

Of course, excited though I am, there's also a part of me that thinks upon the whole ordeal as impossible. Am I confident that I'll be able to make it through when the time comes? Absolutely. But there is no question that it will be the most difficult, exhausting, and trying thing I've ever had to do.

My first line of defense to counteract any self-doubt is the fact that I have a Savior who will be with me every step of the way, a God in whom I trust that the impossible is made possible, and a Spirit of encouragement. Also, knowing that I have the prayers and support of a loving family and friends means the world to me; and even though they (you) cannot physically be there, He is.

As far as my other point of encouragement, there is NOTHING that sums up and captures my personal feelings and emotions better than this:

Move forward.
Don't stop.
Walk the road of hope to the place where the sun rises.

A river blocking your way.
A river in your way.
A river of fate.
A river that tests you.

Cast aside your doubts.
Show some guts.
Don't hesitate.
Take a step right now.
Believe yourself.

Forward.
Forward.
Go straight forward.
Cross the river.

Dreams always seem far away.
They feel out of your reach.
Pick up one of the stones at your feet and throw it with all your might.

There's a river running before your eyes.
A big, wide river.
Even if it's deep and dark;
Even if the current is fast;
You don't need to be afraid.
It may be far away, but yes, there's a bank on the other side.
Have more faith in yourself.

Swim with all your might through the dark.
Don't look back.

When you stretch out your hand, you'll find your future there.
Don't give up, thinking you can't reach it.
The stone you threw will make your dream come true.
You won't even hear it land.

There's a river running in your heart too.
The river of hard times.
Even if things don't go well;
Even if you drown sometimes;
Just try again.
Don't give up.
There will be a bank.
You're sure to get there someday.

Get over it.
River!

Don't make excuses to yourself.
You won't know until you try.
Nothing for it but to go straight forward.

Keep on walking;
Forever;
Down the road you've chosen.

There's a river running before your eyes.
A big, wide river.
Even if it's deep and dark;
Even if the current is fast;
You don't need to be afraid.
It may be far away, but yes, there's a bank on the other side.
Have more faith in yourself.

There's a river running in your heart too.
A river of sweat and tears.
Even if you fail;
Even if you're swept away;
Just start over.
Never say die.
Hang on to your dreams until the day your wishes come true.

Cross the river.
You can do it!

Those are the most encouraging words I've ever heard. Forget the fact that it's a Japanese pop song for a minute (which, I realize now, I didn't even mention in the first place), and put yourself in my shoes, about to embark on the journey I'm about to begin. I take this song, which only just came out at the end of October, as a huge blessing for me personally, and as proof that God often uses the most unusual things to show us how much He cares. The song has been there for me throughout my preparations, and it will be ingrained in my head over the next few months; it is special to me in a way that goes beyond any real explanation. Between the timing of the release, the fact that I had only even become a fan of the group in September, the spot-on lyrics, and the fact that (and this is the real kicker) the music video is military-themed, I simply cannot accept that there was mere coincidence involved with it becoming part of who I am.

I actually went ahead and uploaded the video (with subtitles) to YouTube. The subtitles are not my work (the credits are in the video), and I really appreciate the effort that was taken to make a subbed version. When I think on basic training, I think of this song. They are hand-in-glove to me, and I encourage you to watch it as if in my position, looking beyond the pretty girls in the skirts, and into the meaning, power, and emotion of the song:

AKB48 - RIVER